If you have ever watched "Out of Africa" with Robert Redford and Meryl Streep, you will know that there is something haunting in the words "I owned a farm in Africa". The hint of something far away and mysterious and ultimately heartbreaking. A marriage collapsing, the barn burning down, a friend dying of blackwater fever, a plane crashing. A lonely grave on the hillside. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Well, "I owned a hotel in Ilfracombe". Not enough to call Robert Redford out of retirement really. A small town on the north Devon coast with a population of maybe 10,000 people. No Masai war parties running for hours with their spears glinting in the sunlight. No lions charging from the undergrowth. No drums in the night, echoing across the plains. Nor am I Baroness Karen Christenze von Blixen-Finecke.
But I am tall, slim and good looking, I am told. I have long golden hair (genes not bottles) and a trim figure with quite large breasts - not huge but "a nice handful", as a close friend once tactfully put it. At the time I was a school teacher in London, 27 years old, single and in a relationship with a girl that had ended some months before when she had suddenly gone overseas as a result of a catastrophic miscalculation on my part.
I had told her that her being there all the time was claustrophobic. Just one of those random things said in the heat of a moment but not really meant. Within weeks she had left me - a job applied for overseas and then a phone call from Qatar offering her the job with only hours to decide and she was gone. Just like that. A catastrophe and I was heartbroken.
A three minute phone call to Qatar in those days cost £9. Petrol cost 5p per litre so it was the equivalent of about £300. Yes, for three minutes. And you had to book it many hours in advance. I know that because I called her - once.
It was now the school holidays and rather than spending days together I was sitting at home feeling desperate. Then I got the phone call. My uncle, the black sheep of the family, had died without a will and I was his closest relation so I inherited his entire estate. After death duties I owned the hotel outright with a small amount of working capital.
I was between the devil and the deep blue sea. A job I hated that paid a pittance or moving to an English sea side town that had been in slow decline for 100 years and serious decline since cheap air-fairs to warm places.
I got on a train and eventually I was standing with a local estate agent in the hotel. My uncle had spent a fortune on it and it had twelve bedrooms all with bathrooms,
a car park and genuine sea views. That was the good news. The bad news was that it was unsaleable.
"Nobody wants these places, it just does not work - it is cheaper to spend a week in Benidorm than here. With sunshine. I mean I could try but it may take a couple
of years to sell it and you would be lucky to get more than a pittance"
He left and I was just standing in reception wondering what to do when I heard a phone ringing. I did not even know the phone was still connected as the hotel had been
closed since my uncle's death two months previously. I hunted round desperately and found it
"Hello" I said
"Do you have ten rooms available next week?"
I had seconds to decide the course of my life
"Well, yes, we have been closed for a month but I am the new owner and I am opening the hotel as we speak" I said
"Can I come round - I am in town, I'm sorry this is all so last minute but I am a bit desperate"
She arrived twenty minutes later, very dark and exotic looking - hauntingly beautiful with a wide sensual mouth.
"It's perfect" she said"could we take all the rooms then if we are a bit boisterous, nobody will mind - is that possible?"
"Sure, is it a wedding or something?"
"No" she said "We are all girls ... "
There was an awkward silence and she caught me staring at her breasts. I felt myself blushing and that made it much worse. She smiled at me
"You are very beautiful" she said "I need somewhere to stay tonight ..."
"Well, the rooms are not ready yet but you could stay with me in my flat - no charge, it will be nice to have company"
I could hardly speak I was so nervous and this came out as a sqeak - like a diver on helium.
She took my hand and I led her through to the flat which was behind reception on the ground floor. The furnishing was a bit wild but it was clean and
everything worked. I showed her the bedroom - a huge double bed covered in fake animal skins.
"My uncle had a wild imagination and this was his hotel"
She giggled "So this is your bedroom ... where would I sleep?"
I was mortified and burst into tears - the strain of the last two weeks was too much and now I had made myself look like a fool in front
of this achingly beautiful girl. She held me close while I cried uncontrollably.
"I am sorry, I was teasing you - I am hopeful it may be possible to share the bed with you" she said
She had a very formal way of speaking, as though she had learned English from books rather than from everyday usage. I nodded,
unable to speak. Still trembling I walked with her to the drinks cabinet and pointed.
"Your uncle entertained a lot?" she said
I nodded again and opened the doors to the cabinet. She looked through the dozens of bottles and took one out and poured two big glasses. I
have no idea what it was but it burned my throat. I gulped it down and just sat there. After a few minutes I could feel the alcohol hit my brain and
suddenly I felt a lot better.
"I would be honoured to share my bed with one so beautiful" I said
Her formal tone was catching and suddenly I was speaking like somebody out of a Jane Austen novel.
"I am reliably informed" I said in an imperious manner "that the postillion is having carnal relations with the under parlour maid" then I hiccupped.
She looked thunderstruck then started laughing and laughing. We just held each other while we laughed hysterically. Yes, I know.
Not that funny - you had to be there.
To say this broke the ice would be an understatement - it did not just break it, it totally obliterated it and suddenly it was like we had
known each other for years. I put my arm round her and kissed her. Not just a peck but a full on deep sensual kiss. Her mouth seemed to
wrap round me and I think it was the most sexual experience of my entire life. Penetrating the mouth of this gorgeous creature with my tongue.
"You can fuck me if you want to" I said
"I do want to"
"Not up the arse though" I said "I do have standards"
We climbed into bed and desperately hugged and kissed each other all over. We slowed down and there was a unearthly silence - I was right on the edge and so was she. Suddenly we both exploded. My whole being just seemed to dissolve and I was sliding into a field of stars. She was thrashing like she was insane - if there had been a Catholic Priest in the area he would have sent for an exorcist. Or two, probably.
Gradually we came back down and we both lay there panting. Then it started all over again. By midnight the edge had been taken off
our lust but I was totally, irrevocably in love with this magical creature. Then the doubts started to arrive.
"Um" I said "do you ... I mean have you ... I mean ... with ... anybody?"
"No" she said "I have been single for some time - I was married to a guy - it took me years to admit I was ... um ..."
"I'm single too" I said
We hugged and hugged and hugged. I was totally intoxicated with emotion, not to mention the alcohol, of course. In the morning I woke to find her wrapped right round me and I just lay there luxuriating in her warmth and softness. We must have lain like that for an hour or more. Eventually she surfaced and we just hugged and hugged some more. Squeezing each other so tight it was hard to breath. Eventually we sort of got out of bed to use the lavatory and get a cup of coffee. But I could not let her go and we shuffled round the place like conjoined twins. Then we sat in bed holding cups of coffee.
"I know this is going to sound pathetic... and needy ..." I ventured
She nodded "It will but if you are asking if I want to spend the rest of my life with you the answer is yes"
I could not stop crying and she joined in. I know this sounds ludicrous but that is what happened.
And we are still together.
Bob Cory
Modified on 25/08/2023 at 12:43:35 by ℗ Bob Cory